In this video I share with you how I went from a Vertical Relationship in my marriage to a Horizontal Relationship. Through my own Love Trauma, I realized that a Vertical relationship–which is essentially a traditional patriarchal relationship in which the power was top-down–did NOT bring happiness.
Instead, I found that true partnership and fulfillment comes from a Horizontal Relationship. This is a relationship in which there is mutual love, care and respect. It is a conscious relationship based on expressing daily love as a verb, not a thing to possess but to give away.
It’s important to know that a Horizontal relationship does not in any way diminish a person’s masculinity or femininity. Certified as a Mars, Venus coach, I recognize that there are gender-based differences in thinking, and this informs many of the conflicts that can arise among straight couples. But by stepping into this kind of relationship, I help my wife move into her feminine energy
One example of a horizontal relationship is being open to influence by your partner. When my wife wanted to go on a Caribbean cruise for our wedding anniversary–after I had originally suggested Bali–I yielded to her idea and we had an amazing time. In the past, I would have unilaterally decided where we were going, no questions asked!
Also, in the past after working long days, I would sit on the couch and watch television or taking time to myself. Meanwhile, while my wife who worked even longer days would prepare dinner in the kitchen for the family. Now I join her in the kitchen. It’s the small things that count, such as going with her to Costco, pushing the cart, buying the groceries, and most importantly, thinking about how I can make her day better (simply by getting her a papaya for example)! This mindset resembles the Sanskrit concept called Mudita, which is vicarious joy. In English it means “I am happy because you are happy.”
Now I cherish my wife, and she cherishes me. Our relationship is the best it has ever been because we are in a Horizontal relationship, a shared partnership and consciously loving relationship.