Pamela finally found the love of her life after years of loneliness, but two short years later she was heartbroken; grieving the sudden loss of her partner to cancer. She felt her life had been ripped to pieces, with the biggest piece of her now gone—taken from her.
This is the meaning of heartbreak. With intimate love relationships, usually a big piece of our heart is said to be “given” to our loved one. When a relationship abruptly or unexpectedly ends, it feels like a big piece of who we are is taken away from us. We lend our heart to our beloved in their safe keeping and when something happens that breaks that bond it is very disorienting and depleting.
As a result, Heartbreak causes damage to one’s sense well-being and self-image which gets fragmented—effectively leaving people emotionally and spiritually in pieces. The way to be whole again is to gather up these pieces and hold them together as you heal. Healing is quite literally getting a hold of yourself.
Getting a Hold of Yourself
Whatever led to your heartbreak, the strong emotions that arise like anger, hurt, or fear—including feeling debilitated like all the energy has drained from life—are feelings that must be honored and allowed to process so they can be released.
This process of honoring your feelings is crucial in getting a hold of yourself so that you can eventually get to a place where you can thrive in love again. This involves three steps:
- Acknowledge your emotions
First, in order to honor our feelings we need to acknowledge them, first to ourselves. That is not always easy, for we may think we should feel something different, and don’t want to face how we really feel. But through an practice of acceptance and non-judgment of our own experiences (a commitment to embrace what truly is), this becomes a new, healthy habit. Try to remember that whatever you are feeling is OK to feel. Just stay present to the emotions and sensations, while letting go of all thoughts or interpretations.
- Express your feelings
The second step is to express these feelings. Through expression we move through the experience to come out the other side. To express what you are feeling, it is always best to speak with someone you trust—a non-judgmental friend, a counselor or coach is best—so they can help you work through your feelings and not get stuck in your emotional trauma. The danger of heartbreak is the risk of getting stuck by unconscious thinking patterns, old trauma, or default programs. This can be hard, but if you shine a light on your inner world, it cannot rule you.Remember, you have the strength to face the reality of your experiences.
- Putting the pieces back together
After you have acknowledged and expressed the inevitable emotions of heartbreak, it’s also important to retrieve the pieces of your heart that are broken so you can feel whole and complete again. Quite literally this means finding yourself again. You do this by building on your strengths, expanding on the positive aspects of your life, and recreating healthy self-care and social supports. What successes have you had, and how can you build on these? Who are your safe friends, and what steps do you need to take to spend time with them? Healthy action steps each day, little by little, will embolden you and build momentum towards a new foundation.
It might not feel like it now, but it is possible to collect the pieces of yourself that have been given to others and thereby regain any lost personal power. You truly can feel whole again.
One-on-One Support for Healing from Heartbreak
The healing process sometimes requires additional support from a professional. If you would like guidance in this way, I can help you.
My dear-death experience gave me the gift of seeing how important and precious the human heart is, both literally and figuratively. I use Consciousness Based Healing in my healing technique (Dr. Raj’s Integrative Process™), drawing from both spiritual and energy healing as well as certified coaching to help people integrated the pieces of their broken heart and life. I hold a safe space to honor and facilitate the healing process.
Are you ready to heal? If so, I urge you to take the next step and complete my pre-questionnaire to see if I can help you.
Rajiv Parti, MD